serendipti's Diaryland
Diary
9:59 p.m. - Monday, Dec. 05, 2005
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getting hit on
I am highly uncomfortable getting hit on. In general. I get sort of scared and flustered and avoidant as soon as I realize somebody might possibly be interested in me. Like a couple months ago, this CUTE CUTE boy on southwest sitting across the aisle from me. I remember thinking when I sat down...so-weet, there is a cute cute boy across the aisle from me....and then as soon as I sat down and turned by head slightly he flashed me a broad smile.....i quickly averted my face....and did not look in his direction for the next FIVE HOURS!!! I mean, the entire distance from cali to illy, I did not turn my head to the right....even when I got my snack service and ordered my spicy tomato juice with a lemon wedge (btw, two cans of that (and this are itty bitty cansitos) on a southwest flight puts you over your sodium intake for the day)...so anyway, I did all of this with my head turned the other way....and the entire flight, of course, I am having this raging internal dialogue....what the hell is wrong with you....i don't feel like it.....do you have a pathology....yeah, maybe, what are YOU going to do about it...i hate you....i hate you too....he is cute....he is not all that....i want to look to my right....NO!
And thus my life continues.
However, here in the hospital, when it is a patient hitting on you, there is no floggin way to avoid THEM for the next 5 hours...no way at all.
And put that with my baseline of not handling getting hit on well, and the thing is, sometimes I get an ulcer interacting with a flirty patient. And tonight, the flirty patient happened to be a 65 year old crack addict and the thing was, I really wasn't in the mood. although I am hard pressed to think of the circumstances that would ever put me in the mood for being hit on by a 65 year old crack addict. But the thing is, I just wish I could be more nonchalant and professional, instead of internally freaking out that the patient was hitting on me. I got the history while he made me uncomfortable, and the fun part was asking the sexual questions....are you sexually active with men women or both? he jumped off his bed, hovering over my chair, to emphasize that he was all man....and the thing was, it was not scary, he was chuckling and at no point did he try and touch me or even say anything super wack....it was more my issue, not his. I mean, I can put so many women that I know who would have laughed along with him but been professional and have just had a smooth interaction.....I felt like I wanted to throw up, I was so nervous. And I need to get over it. Because this happens not infrequently (this isn't me being all i'm the shit, this is just being a female having to deal with male patients), but I am so crappy with dealing with any sort of come-ons anyway, that it puts me over the edge to deal with patients. The most I can do is assume a stone face, and not react and ignore them, or else tell them I have a job do to and could you let me do it.....
anyway, point being, I really didn't want to do a physical exam on this patient, because I was uncomfortable. And then I paged my resident, since he had to come see the patient, and I was like, ummm....I got the history but I was hoping to do the physical with you since the patient was kind of hitting on me....and then I got a 2 min bit about how I should ask a nurse to come in with me if I feel that
resident is here.....gotta jet yo
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