serendipti's Diaryland Diary

1:15 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 21, 2005

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didn't make it to the end of the lumpectomy

guess who just scrubbed out of a surgery before it was done? IT was a lumpectomy and senitnel node bopsy, and I made it through the sentinel node part, and I made it to the excision of the lump, but then, when it was time to suture up, I knew the feeling of nausea and the flush of heat and perspiration were here to stay, so I had to excuse myself. This happened on Tuesday as well. I just checked my BP and it was 83/57.....i am always low normal or just plain low.
I have stopped getting devastatingly depressed about it....for those of you who know me, you know how much I hate being wimpy or un'rugged.' So this shit has taken some work getting used to and being okay with. Hoping and praying I don't pass out has become the background of this rotation. The two surgeries that I made it till the end of were ones where I MAD carb overloaded.....I, desafortunadamente, did not do this today. So I am 2 for 2 with the carb overload lack of pass out tip, so I am going to do that every time I know I am going to the OR.
I mean, EVERY TIME.
I have had weird lower right quadrant pain today.....maybe I have appendicitis....that would add a little flavor to the week.....I know, I will stop.....this is what medicine does to you.
My resident who is this total dork....I mean, you can feel his dorkiness in the air as soon as you enter....as a result, I have a small crush on him....so he asked me today.....do you run, or just have a runner's body......I was like......uhhh.....I try to run, but I just have a runners body.....wish I could have said, yeah, I am training for the marathon......
whimper whimper.
Anyway, I think one thing I don't like about the OR is the bovie.....it is this flesh singe-ing (if you drop the e, it looks like singing, I don't know which spelling is right) apparatus that is like a pen that is connected to a power source that's job is to sear open flesh. So the first time I was in the OR, I did not know what it was called, because I am not a good student who pre-reads, this was a couple months ago when I found myself in the OR for ENT.....so I turn to the anesthesilogist, and say, what is the name of that flesh singeing aparatus? that is when I learned it is called a bovie.
So this bovie is used all the time....pretty cool, pretty handy, and the wisps of smoke from its sssssss as it singes through flesh....there is a distinct smell to it.....it reminds me of walking past the Korean BBQ place on telegraph avenue......and I am sure other meats being bbq'd smells that way, but the bovie on flesh takes me back to the Korean bbq place, I am sorry for those lovers of kprean bbq, but it is true.
So I don't like the smell....in fact, maybe I hate it so much, my body just wants to shut off and pass out so it doesn't have to deal with it....I don't know....but that might be a piece of the puzzle.
On the plus sides, I have gotten rather good at anticipating my sycopal episodes, and so there is no more of this being half carried out of the room stuff going on.....I just recognize the first signs and excuse myself as I slump down against the wall and crouch. then I scrub out and make my way to the post-op room, where I then see the same nurses who are like, again? And then they insist on wanting to check my hcg, and then I insist that REALLY, no chance of that, i am not Mary and nothing close to immaculate has been going on here.....so it has kind of become a routine....and like it or not, routines get comfortable.....so I have gotten comfotable being the chick who passes out, or almost does, every time she is in surgery.
okay, I need to get to campus for lectures.
write more lata, play.

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