serendipti's Diaryland
Diary
12:04 a.m. - Tuesday, Mar. 29, 2005
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heartbreak hotel
so a close friend of mine called up crying at tonight, after he had broken up with his girlfriend of like 8 years. They had been in the, let's see other people place, because he thought that she should be out there and see more of life and get more independent, before they got all settled and committed. This was hard for her to accept, and she was much hurt by this, and so they have been 'open' to dating other people for the past year, though they talk like every day. So he finally was like, this is shit, I love you, I would do anything for you, we should get married....precisely at the moment, a year later, where she is feeling all happy footlosey fancy free, and is excited about meeting new men. So they have this convo, and he was like, lets go for it, be with me, and she was like....ummmm, I love you, and ultimately I see myself with you, but I am not there right now. And he is trippin cuz he knows exactly where she was at, more or less, and on some level wants her to have this time and space, but is like, shit, I can't wait around for her....so they broke up and he spent the last week crying, and finally called me up, and so I sat on the toilet seat (since i am in the living room and mom and dad's bedroom is so close) in the back bathroom, and listened to him cry and be so sad, and it was weird, on so many levels, because there is nothing you can do for someone when they are in that place, especially if you are not close by to distract them away from their thoughts and themselves.
So I listened, and decided the pep talk approach was the best way to go...yeah, this is shit, it sucks, but it is good you broke up....have absolutely NO contact with her, whatsoever....if she doesn't want you in her life, make sure she knows what that feels like....make sure she is acutely aware of the length and breadth of the absence of you in her life.....when you want to call her, call me....yeah, I know you would have done anything for her....but she isn't in a place to receive that....her loss...if she finally gets it, good for her, but most likely you will have moved on by then....that is how this shit tends to work out....yeah, it is so friggin awful....but on the good side, the anger stage is up ahead, and that one is at least more fun and creative...I mean, voodoo dolls, evil thoughts about her weaknesses and your pet peeves about her....wicked thoughts of her academic failures and physical blemishes....good shit is up ahead....you just have to hold out....and then when acceptance comes, you will realize that this has nothing to do with her love for you, it just has to do with the unfortunate nature of love, and how the majority of it is bound up in circumstances....love as circumstantial...weird way of thinking about it....being able to coordinate the being on the same page with someone is more challenging than finding someone you want to be on the same page with, I think. So you just have to suck it up, during this stage, and wait for anger and acceptance to come and some other stages in between and in the end, if she loses you, it was meant to be....and he laughed some times when I gave my own sordid examples of things, and he got sad sometimes because he asked me about how she can think anything matters more than being around the people you love..."I mean, what is the fucking point of all of this anyway? Work? Money? It is all about being close to the people you love...doesn't she fucking get it?" No, my lovely lovely friend, she doesn't get it in the way you do, and I hope one day, for her sake, she does, but in the mean time, lick your wounds, buck up, and go find " a real fucking sexy ass woman, who is confident and has her own fucking life and has her shit together and is independent and shit." (i think I might have paraphrased, and some more of the expletives might be missing.)
Anyway, I had his ass laughing by the end, with promises that he would text me even if I did not answer the phone, in lieu of breaking and calling her....and I shored up his faltering ego, a bit, in a much needed sense, but I know there is nothing I can do with all those awful feelings that are stewing inside of him, and I can do anything about that evil evil devil mind that will conjure up unspeakable scenes involving the girl he loves and countless others, and I am unfortunately not there to distract him from thoughts of her, and try to get him to focus on his exams.....god, it is such crap being far from people who really get you when scheiBe hits the fan. Same plot, different actors.
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