serendipti's Diaryland Diary

9:37 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 24, 2004

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100 pages of BRS path tonight

tonight I am determined to do something I have not done in a long time...long time meaning since the last crunch time before the boards....I will not sleep until I get through what I need to get through...viz, 100 pages if BRS path. me no sleep till then. me no likey lack o sleep, pero, me no likey prospect of failure, de nuevo, more.
tonight I find myself looking for something outside of myself to make me feel good about myself. this is not a usual feeling for me. in fact, I kind of get grossed out by this feeling....the dependency on someone/something else to feel good about yourself feels wacketyweewack. This feeling has been prompted by a conversation I had with Sheila and Shoaib last night, which prompted a domino effect of emotional and mental housekeeping, somthing I currently have neither time nor patience for. Desafortunadamente, the gears inside me are cranking out theories and spinning analyses.......in a nutshell, my downfall.
NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS PATHOLOGY! (the one I am reading in the book)
wish me suerte and send me love and prayers, por favor.
speaking of prayers, could you send one out for the chance of me getting to be with Gael Garcia Bernal, please....be your best friend....he is so beautiful...can't wait to see Motorcycle Diaries....his kiss in Y tu mama was the singlemost hottest thing I have ever seen in my life,,,,,for real.
dammit.....need to go and focus now
sigh

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